Sokka's Guilt
by Brisalad
Summary: "The Earth Kingdom has fallen." These words leaves a stabbing pain in Sokka's heart, but no where near as much as watching Aang's still body. 'It's all my fault.' Set just after the 'Crossroads of Destiny' where Sokka blames himself for the fall of Ba Sing Se and Aang's near death. Please Read & Review!


**A/N: So I was watching ATLA again and after watching the 'Crossroads of Destiny' I suddenly wondered about Sokka. I remember how he hard he was on himself for the failed invasion, that I thought he must have felt guilty for Aang's near death since it was his idea to go to talk to the Earth King. So this is an oneshot on my take on what happened straight after they escaped Ba Sing Se.**

The darkness of the night swirls around us, yet the only thing I acknowledge is the bitter cold around me and the rushing wind as we fly far from the city. Ba Sing Se. I grip my knees tightly and turn my head to one side. Just one thought cuts deep through me. _'This is all my fault.'_ I gulp and blink rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears forming in my eyes. The silence rages on, as if the Earth King's words of _**'The Earth Kingdom has fallen'**_ had some profound effect in the atmosphere. And I suppose it did, the last stronghold of the Earth Kingdom, the only city untouched by the Fire Nation is now gone. _'Again all my fault.'_ The thought makes me sick to the stomach.

Sooner than I anticipated I find Appa going down and landing at Chameleon Bay. As soon as we hit the ground, I jump off Appa. I briefly turn round to make sure that Katara can handle carrying Aang and once I'm sure they are fine. I dash off, far from the group.

"Sokka! Where are you going?!" I vaguely hear my sister's voice of distress but I ignore it and continue running.

Faster and faster and before I know it I trip over a tree root and I find myself flying in the air before landing heavily on the ground. I push myself up onto my knees and hands, panting heavily. Once I've somewhat controlled my breathing, I shift myself till I'm leaning against a tree. I gaze up to the stars, the moon, gleaming so beautifully. ' _It's all my fault.'_

I close my eyes tightly and bash my head roughly against the tree trunk. _'If only I hadn't insisted. If only I listened to Katara. If only I didn't assume and just had bothered to check. If only…two small words that mean absolutely nothing now. I can't turn back the clock, no matter how badly I want to.'_ And after holding my tears in for so long, they finally stream down my face and I break down into silent sobs, my shoulders shake as I hang my head down. ' _Spirits Aang, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault that this happened; that you…you nearly_ _ **died**_ _.'_

Suddenly I hear the sound of rustling bushes to my right, but before I can act on the instinctual need to be running away I see my sister appear from them. Her eyes sad and exhausted. Seeing this sends another wave of guilt through me and I choke on whatever words that I was going to say. All I can do is watch as she walks to me and crouches down in front of me.

"Sokka what happened? You just shot off without saying anything." I turn my head at her light reprimanding, unable to meet her steady gaze. "Sokka what's wrong?" I refuse to look at her and soon she rests a gentle hand on my shoulder and places her other on my hand that rests on my knee, patiently coaxing me to talk or to at least face her. "Talk to me."

"I can't…" I break off, guilt still consuming me. I hear ruffling as she shifts closer to me.

"You can. Please tell me what's bothering you. I can't comfort you if you don't tell me." I swallow thickly and finally turn back, making eye contact with her.

"Shouldn't you be checking on Aang, making sure he's alright?" I watch as her eyes flicker with fear and worry but it soon passes and is replaced with that steely gaze of determination.

"I left him with Toph and Dad, if anything happens Toph will call me, she can monitor his heart and breathing rate after all." I nod numbly, having briefly forgotten about Toph's unique abilities. "So what's wrong with you?" I clench my jaws tightly at her persistence.

"Nothing's wrong with me! I'm just stressed with everything that's happened." Katara tilts her head slightly, her eyes scrutinising me hard.

"We're all stressed, but I don't need Toph to know that you're lying; not with the way you just ran off without a word as if you couldn't wait for us to land. You didn't even help me get Aang off Appa." The accusation makes me drop my eyes in anguish.

" _It's my fault."_

"What's your fault?" I snap my head up to see the confusion painted in my sister's blue oceanic eyes and I realise I must have said that thought aloud. I rub my eyes, the exhaustion must have got to me to the point that I can't even keep my thoughts to myself.

"You weren't meant to hear that." I mumble.

"Well I did. Now please speak to me. I **want** to help you; you're my brother and I love you. It hurts me to see you this way and I've been hurt enough today…"I hear her sigh heavily. "…I really thought I was going to lose him." My heart constricts at her whispered confession and if anything I feel worse for making her life more difficult, she's already worrying about Aang, she doesn't need to worry about me too.

"It's my fault for what happened to Aang." I say softly, my throat constricting tightly at the painful admission. I half expect her to agree with me and half expect her to defend me. She furrows her eyebrows as she continues directing her gaze at me.

"How in the world is that your fault?" She questions sharply. I wince and finally let the words tumble out of my mouth; words that raced through my mind ever since I saw Katara carrying Aang lifeless in her arms.

"Because I insisted that we go back to Ba Sing Se to talk to the King. You and Toph wanted to leave, but I pushed and Aang…" I choke on his name, my best friend. "…he went along with it because of what I said. If I didn't say anything then we would've left and he would be healthy and well. He wouldn't have died and he wouldn't be unconscious right now!" Katara flinches at the word _**'died'**_ and I can't help but wince too. _'It's all surreal! I never expected him to die, I always thought he was indestructible, immortal even, but he can die and I saw his lifeless body with my own two eyes.'_ That thought causes a fresh round of tears to overflow through my eyelashes.

"Sokka…" The brewing self-anger makes me jump up to my feet to walk a couple of paces away from her, giving the Master Waterbender my back. I hear her shift, probably also getting to her feet, but she doesn't move any closer and I pay her no heed.

"And it's my fault that I irresponsibly assumed that the girls from Kyoshi Island were the Kyoshi Warriors, they could've been anyone! The least I could've done was actually go and see them, check that they are who they say they are. It wouldn't have taken more than two minutes, and it would've avoided all this…this disaster! Aang's hurt because of me! Ba Sing Se fell because of me!" I shout, my voice raising to a shrill.

"Stop it!" The ferocity of Katara's yell, puts my self-blaming hatred to a halt and I turn to face her, a mere metre distance separates us. "I will NOT listen to you stand there and blame yourself for what Azula caused!" My sister grits out. In response I take a step closer to her, my hand clenched in a fist and my eyes burn with fire.

"But that's what Azula does! She is a conniving, devious witch who'd stop at nothing to make sure the Fire Nation wins and it's our job to make sure we make her life difficult. Maybe she'd find another way to attack Ba Sing Se, but at least then we would've been together ready to fight, we wouldn't have given her a free entry to the capital on a silver platter if I had just went and checked!" I holler, my throat becoming sore from the shouting and crying. She takes a step forward also, her both hands are tightly clenched, more so than mine.

"Fine, if you want to blame yourself so much, then do! But you aren't the only one who's blaming themselves! How do you think I feel that I was there when Aang got shot, when he… he **died**?!" Watching Katara break off in a sob hits me hard and I realise how much worse this must be for her. "I just looked up at him as he went into the Avatar State, so proud that he managed to master it and I didn't even think about watching his back, if I just paid **some** attention I would've seen what Azula was trying to do and stop it. If you think it's your fault for getting Aang in this mess than it's my fault that I let him get shot! I was there and I didn't protect him, at least you couldn't have done anything to save him, but I could and I…I failed…" Two streams of tears spill over my sister's cheeks. It hurts to see her this way and I just want to beat myself up for not considering her views, her side of things and for being the reason why she has to confront that ugly truth right now.

"Katara I…" She quickly puts a hand up to silence me.

"I was meant to have his back and I let him down when he really needed me. And although Toph hasn't said anything, I can feel she partly blames herself also for not being there to help Aang, for not coming to join us sooner. And this blame, as brutally painful as it is, is not going to help anyone, it's not going to help Aang heal and it's not going to make us get through this war. We almost lost him, but he's alive and is going to be ok. I don't know how long it will take for him to wake up, but he will and when he does he wouldn't want to see us beating ourselves up for it and knowing him he'll find some way to blame himself too." I sigh, all remnants of my anger seeps away, leaving me weak and tired, so I nod knowing that in the end she's right.

"You're right. I'm sorry that I didn't take your feelings into account. I just…I feel like a part of me died with him. Before, I never acknowledged that we could get hurt doing what we're doing, but seeing Aang…I'm just scared that I'm going to lose you guys and I can't. I've already lost so much I can't handle losing anyone else." I watch the frustration quickly leave my sister's tense form and her eyes soften. She reaches out to me and pulls me into a tight hug.

"I know. Trust me Sokka I know. But we can do it, we will do it. We're still learning and we now know the importance of staying together and watching over each other more than we ever did before." I lean my head on her shoulder and a pang of hurt courses through me as I'm struck with this painful familiarity of my mum, once again reminding me of all the times that Katara was there for me when she couldn't be.

"Katara…I thought I was going to lose him too. I thought that I'll never see my best friend, ever again. I thought that was it." Katara doesn't respond, but instead she tightens her hold on me. After a good few minutes we pull back and she sends me a weary smile and I find myself being able to return it, just.

"Thanks Katara, I really needed that." She takes my hand for a moment and squeezes it reassuringly before letting go.

"Anytime Sokka, that's what siblings are for. Just…just make sure you come to me with anything that bothers you, no matter how trivial. Don't keep it bottled up, ok?" I hesitate for a moment before nodding in agreement.

"Ok I will." Katara searches my eyes for a moment more before deciding she's found what she was looking for and nods. Wordlessly we walk back together to the Water Tribe tents. As we walk side by side I take notice of Katara's lethargic gait and her infrequent shivers. Suddenly I remember that Katara was immersed in a difficult fight where she was outnumbered just mere hours ago. She must be exhausted and yet she still had the energy to heal Aang, carry him to and from Appa and have the energy to come find me. I gulp at this realisation and berate myself for being so selfish.

So when Katara stumbles moments later my reflexes are ready when I whip out my hand to grab her before she falls to steady her till she gets her footing back. She mumbles a thank you and I put my arm over her shoulders, helping her walk and soon we arrive back at the camp.

My sister directs me to a nearby tent and when we go in we find Toph's attentive unseeing gaze on the young Airbender. At our arrival she turns round slightly.

"Took you long enough." She huffs and I duck my head down in embarrassment.

"Sorry." I mutter and steer Katara to one of the animal skins to sit on. As I straighten up I see Toph wearing a frown and she shifts closer to us.

"Are you alright Sugarqueen?" She questions in mild concern. But Katara just waves it off.

"I'm fine, just tired. How is he?" At her question I turn my gaze to Aang, who thankfully is wearing a peaceful expression and is covered in thick skins, ' _we should probably make sure he isn't covered in those when wakes up or he'll freak and give us a lecture on being an animal lover.'_ I think humourlessly.

"Good, his heartbeat is getting a bit stronger from when we landed. It's still weak, but definitely improving." The Master Waterbender nods.

"That's a relief. I'll give him a healing session soon. I just need a nap to gather my strength and then I can assess how much of his body and scar I can heal." My eyes drop at remembering that angry red scar breaking the perfect line of his tattoo, _'how will he feel knowing that a part of his Air Nomad tattoo has just been destroyed?'_ The thought brings a pang of pain in my heart and I can't help but mourn for it on his behalf.

"Guys?" At Toph's question, I turn back to face her, her face tight with an unreadable emotion.

"Yes Toph?" I question softly, for some reason I get the feeling that whatever she's going to say is important, or at least is important to her.

"I'm glad you're all ok." I blink twice before going over to her, then bending down to her level where she's sitting cross-legged right next to Aang I give her a gentle hug which she reciprocates. I feel another set of arms around me and glancing to the side I see Katara joining in the hug.

"I'm glad you are too Toph. No matter what happens the four of us will stick together." My sister says quietly yet filled with much passion.

"Always?" The fragileness of Toph's voice makes me reel back, until I remember that at the end of the day she's only 12 and she's just experienced her first run in with someone she cares about nearly dying. And so I hug her more tightly.

"Always." Katara and I say in unison with such conviction that she nods.

 **A/N: I hope you all liked this oneshot! I know that you probably was expecting an update on my other stories, but I had this idea and I just had to write it down and after I did that I said, 'hey this isn't half bad, why don't I post it?' Please REVIEW! I'm really disappointed that no one has reviewed my latest chapter on 'Tribulation on my own' and I do hope that you will review it soon, but in the meantime please review this story, I'd like to hear your thoughts and they make me happy too.**

 **18/11/17**


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